I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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