i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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