I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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