I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
