so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
