tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
