You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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