You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
