The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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