I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
