please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
