I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize