if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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