My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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