maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
