I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Say something about gay babies.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
