she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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