rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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