So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
