remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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