I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
