I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
