Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
