Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
