whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
