I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize