And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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