i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
wanna go halves on a baby?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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