so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
