I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
