You don't have asthma, your pregnant
id be glad to
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
