yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize