genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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