I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
