im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
