Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
