If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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