are you so shy because you have an std?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His hands were made for my vagina.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
