you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize