i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
