Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
