that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
