whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
