Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
