JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
