I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
