Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
