haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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