Buhtt sex?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
