i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
