I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize