Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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