Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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