There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
