My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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