I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
