i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i out mim tonsoeep
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