just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
