Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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