Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
