My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
