When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
wow bdsm is so cute
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
