Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
