PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
