Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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