I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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