oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
do nipples grow back?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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