Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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