I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
