Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just pynch a tree in the face
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
