I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
