even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
